When to Starve a Lobster

The world’s favorite edible crustacean can come out of the Western Australian ocean and be on a plate in Dubai or Japan 96 hours later.   I learned this tidbit after a gorgeous, blonde woman unexpectedly and enthusiastically greeted my boyfriend (BTG) with a warm and lingering hug.   (Who me?   Jealous?   No way.)

We were exploring the quiet coast on a spring “wildflower” trip.   Gorgeous blonde was a former gym buddy of BTG’s, and she recently married into the family owning the lobster factory we’d happened upon.   She hooked us up with an audio tour full of cool things about lobsters, most of which my brain has not retained from six months ago.   I do remember that desirable traits vary by country (Japan loves small, Middle East loves big), that the lobsters aren’t fed for three days before being shipped to ensure a clean stomach, and that pine boxes are used to ship them live, albeit well-chilled.  Oh, and Vietnamese boys on visas work about 15 times harder than any Australian the owner has ever hired.

The morning of our lobster factory tour, we woke up inside a single-person  swag an hour before dawn, caught sunrise in one of the most surreal places I’ve ever been, and gaped at the world’s oldest living organism.

Escaping the city delivered just the flood of joy I expected, even after an extra half-hour driving through suburbia — the aftermath of a personality collision BTG and I are sure to have over and over.   Finding a camp spot was harder than we expected, but BTG relished the task anyway thanks to his newest luminescent car toys.   The ocean waves lulled us to sleep, and six hours later the full moon was still up when we headed for the Pinnacles.

You know the oldest Halloween costume in the book?   The one where you cut eye-holes in a bed sheet and say you’re a ghost?   Well, the Pinnacles, especially in the moonlight, look like a massive gathering of bed-sheet ghosts ranging in height from 3 to 15 feet (1 to 5 meters) tall.   Kind of creepy.   Especially since the most well-known bed-sheet ghosts in my world are horrifying racists.

Kangaroos hopped between the bizarre pointed pillars as the light started to grow out of the eastern horizon.   Our explorations among the spires elicited dozens of photo ops and an ongoing conversation about the formation of our surroundings.   We’d later discover no one actually knows how the Pinnacles came to be, although there are many theories.

By mid-morning we were strolling along an inland boardwalk surrounding a body of water hosting “stromatolites” — thought to be the world’s very first living thing, and certainly the oldest life form in existence.   (Umm… they are just bacteria forming coral-like deposits, so bring your nerdy-side for maximum enjoyment and leave the video camera at home.)

The middle-of-nowhere wind-farm made for an interesting detour and pretty photos, as did all the random little road-side wildflower loops.   WA wildflowers aren’t impressive from the confines of a car, but a stroll among them is pretty special.

Thanks to our awesome map, we found a completely private campsite next to a little stream in the bush,  which we celebrated with a 6-pack of microbrews and a meal involving copious amounts of butter.

The following day combined 4WD travel and wildflower walks in equal quantities.   We even found a hidden cave!   Bees had turned the entrance into a hive big enough to star in any apiphobes nightmare.   The jewel of the day for me was Mt. Lesuer National Park.   The impending sunset required an involuntary (but fun!) trail run to the top of the eponymous mountain, stopping every hundred yards to admire unique flowers that are found nowhere else in the world and are only in bloom for a few short weeks.   We even saw an infamous black kangaroo paw!

Of course a spring outdoor trip wouldn’t be complete without rain.   Our last morning in camp was spent keeping dry inside the tent — essentially mandatory relaxation and a highlight of the trip.   On the drive home we stopped through the historical enclave of New Norcia, home to Benedictine monks and infamous wine, ale, and fresh-baked bread.   Wandering among the Spanish architecture and historical paths through quiet green farm fields was the perfect end to our too-short adventure.  ♣

You, too, can know the  official  (adorable!) name for a baby echidna, meet a bob-tail lizard, and see a handful of awesome  Australian  wildflowers by flipping through this photo album.