Ladyboys: Thailand’s third gender (and lesbian lessons)

The scantily-clad ladyboys at Calypso Cabaret are stunning. However, being mired in spreadsheets and delusional from the combined heat of the tropics, forty computer processors, and a busy kitchen — I nearly forgot to attend the show!

Sophisticated LED diagrams for Bangkok’s gnarly traffic.

A safe window to get across Bangkok on a Friday night (for a tourist who has never been where she’s going and would rather spend an hour sitting and waiting at her destination than be late for a performance) is two hours. I had 90-minutes to show time.

Bangkok Dental Care: one woman’s medical tourism experience

Even dental care can be an adventure in the context of a big, foreign city. Given Bangkok’s international reputation for excellent medical care, breaking my twenty-four-month dental abstinence in Thailand was an easy choice.

Not my photo, but the cab is the right color. And if you click the photo link at the end of the post, you can read a SE Asian (Malaysian) perspective on the BKK tourist scene.

Originally I planned on tackling the mysterious web of bus routes needed to get from Banglamphu to Siam Square. Two hours before my appointment I was feeling so anxious about screwing up somewhere, I scrapped the whole plan and jumped in a lime-green cab. I failed, however, to recalculate how I should proceed upon arriving in the neighborhood.

Thank god I have a photographic memory from which I could piece together a recollection of a few landmarks and their relationship with the dentist’s office. Lessons learned:
1) Bring the electronic device (with its maps and contact information), even when you don’t think you need it.
2) Always get the hotel reception to write — in Thai — the name of your destination. (Remember that worst English in SE Asia thing? The taxi drivers  know no more English than you know Thai.)

Portrait of Thailand: items of note in ‘The Land of Smiles’

More random observations from your’s truly –

  • “There’s a drink for that!” – the city trains in Bangkok have a loop of TV commercials using myriad stereotyped actors to advertise a variety of drinks that come in containers the size of baby food jars. Not sure what each drink does, but it all seems very exciting.

  • Waitress uniforms at popular restaurants involve short, one-shoulder dresses that would be beautiful if they weren’t colored to mimic and covered in logos from beer cans.

  • A pad thai street vendor

    It surprising, with food available every three steps, that the Thai aren’t more corpulent. Within a block, I saw

Being a Woman in Bangkok: beauty and shopping take a toll

A beauty spa is really a torture chamber in disguise. All my life I’d innocently assumed rich women go to be pampered — Cleopatra style. When Beth suggested we treat ourselves to a massage, body scrub, and sauna during her final days in Thailand, I though, “Why not? Might as well see for myself what this ‘spa’ business is all about.”

This is how it all begins. Look innocent enough, eh?

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First came the “oil massage.” We started on two mattresses behind a curtain, stripped to our skivvies.  The massage progressed just as my only previous Thailand “oil massage” did.  Unlike the kneading movements used by  American masseurs, in Thailand, long firm strokes are the rule.  I kind of felt like a household pet, but when in Rome… (or Bangkok).  Unfortunately, things went from different to awkward when it was time to go belly up. Erroneously, I thought the Thai oil massage experience I’d had three years ago with Nicole was a one-off fluke. Not so.

Mr. Bat, & Angkor Wat: a found family & a country’s corruption

According to Mr. Bat, a family that fled Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge occupation was found  a few years ago in the jungles of northern Laos. They didn’t know the reign of terror was over. Twenty to thirty years “over”, depending on who you ask. Turns out their youngest child had spent all 16 years of her life roughing it in the jungle without cause.

Mr. Bat and Beth in front of the steps that descend to “the Killing Cave.”

Mr. Bat was the genial, early-40’s, grinning guide with whom I struck up an immediate friendship. I got his jokes, he got mine, and soon we were piling into his tuk-tuk to be shown around the city of Battambang for $5.

Cambodia: Beth’s First Border

Grow up in an ocean-locked collection of islands, and border crossings will be the stuff of Hollywood movies.

Empty for miles and miles…

It took us maybe four hours, traveling by ferry, bus, and then bumping along in the back of a truck, to reach the remote Thailand/Cambodia border between Ban Pakard and Psar Prum. Amenities and infrastructure are arranged such that locals and tourists alike tend not to have much use for this place. We drove for miles in eerie silence — no other cars, cattle, bicycles, motorbikes or pedestrians on the road. After about 45 minutes in no-man’s-land, Beth began to worry aloud.

In her world, a border is the dangerous place where dramatic scenes in movies are played out. And lonely countryside is where a country’s militants stop passing cars at gunpoint and demand money or worse. I did my best to reassure her that I was somewhat certain this type of thing wasn’t going to happen to us, but what did I know?

Farang in a Foreign Land: Dyed Baby Chickens and Lotus Pods

If I was an executive from New York on a Vocation Vacation, this blog entry could read as a major drama.

What I feel like after a particularly trying stretch of travel. (This picture was actually taken just after sunrise on a wilderness backpacking trip with striking similarities to traveling... living out of a bag, sleeping almost anywhere, eating strange food, lowering cleanliness standards...)

It’s tempting to write it like that — it would be more fun for you to read while surrounded by the comfort of “western” conveniences. But the truth is, for “third world” travel to be fun, you just have to take things in stride. This is one of the lessons of travel I value most and that I hope to carry with me into the future.   To nearly quote Liz Gilbert, traveling – particularly cheap and dirty traveling – is pretty much nothing but one glitch and hassle after another, interrupted by the occasional stunning sunset, gorgeous temple, or fantastic meal.

Kicked Back in Kanchanaburi: Why Thailand is Cheap and How to Enjoy It

Want to cool your heels on the edge of an unspoiled tropical river? Consume limitless quantities of delicious food and drink? Be surrounded by the beauty of temples and a culture of cleanliness? Veg out all day on free wi-fi? Sun yourself in a hammock on a palm-tree studded green lawn? Cruise around town on your rented scooter?

The view from our porch - Kanchanaburi

What price do you suppose this laid-back list of luxuries fetches in Thailand? $50? $75? No, my friends. Depending on your tastes, in Kanchanaburi all this is yours for between $10 and $20. If you’re feeling especially extravagant, you can drop another $10 to get a massage or get rip-roaring drunk.

The joys of Thailand. Not only is it gorgeous, friendly, delicious, and clean… it’s unbelievably cheap.

Observed: Attempted Vehicular Manslaughter and Hand Washing with Bleach

 The final chapter!   More quirks and quips that don’t quite make a story…

  • To the untrained eye, it would appear that “tricycle” drivers are constantly trying to run me over. Really, this is their bizarre way of trying to get some business. They steer slowly closer and closer as they putt toward me, until I physically have to step aside so as not to get hit (at which time they usually roll to a stop). All of this is in hope that I will suddenly go, “Oh! Hey! A tricycle! You know, I didn’t realize this before, but I really want a ride. Excuse me, sir. Could you give me a ride, please? Oh, and actually I prefer to be overcharged, if you wouldn’t mind.”