Why Canadian Bank Notes Come From 7,700 Miles Away


Quick math – if your printer can turn out seven counterfeit $10 bills in one sheet, you can buy:

a) a night at the Holiday Inn
b) a tank of gas for a mid-size car
c) a fancy-pants dinner for two
d) several days worth of groceries
e) all of the above

Where the Kookaburra Really Sits


Hopefully your childhood included this delightful Australian nursery rhyme/song:

Lyrics for those of us who can rarely be bothered to click on links:

Kookaburra sits in an old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, kookaburra
Laugh, kookaburra
Gay your life must be!

Love these puffies! (a.k.a. Kookaburra)

Imagine my mild amusement when I realized that “Kookaburra” really is the name of a living creature (a bird).

Australian Vocab Lessons & How I Misplaced an Entire Day


Coping mechanisms almost invariably begin to fail at the end of any travel leg lasting longer than eight hours (for me and for most I’ve observed). I left Hawaii for Australia very early Wednesday morning and arrived at dinner time on Thursday night. Did I spend 36 hours on a plane?

Family, Friends & Strippers


I cracked into five weeks in the Pacific Northwest with an unexpected late-night foray to a country dance club: I spent the evening re-living the childhood thrill of being thrown high in the air by a strong person (learning swing aerials). I might have almost died of fun. I wrapped up my month-plus among the douglas fir and redwood trees by singing 80’s lady rock (Joan Jett) while a scantily-clad stripper performed aerial moves of her own on the pole four feet away.

Birthday Bliss


Best. Party. Ever.

Three nights, four days, fifteen friends, and one license to completely relax and party.

My thirtieth birthday was — and this is not hyperbole — the *best party I’ve ever had. * Ever.

Five weeks have already gone by and I still swoon with delight when I think of it.

Last night at the cabin-of-freedom-from-adult-life!

Last night at the cabin-of-freedom-from-adult-life!

The scene: Lincoln City — an Oregon coastal town full of posh rental houses. A winter quasi-weekend in January gave us pick of the litter. Our cabin came complete with hot tub, fantastic lounge area, awesome bedrooms, and a kitchen designed to feed crowds.

We did nothing and everything and I could easily spend several weekends a year hitting the repeat button. The food was (mostly) healthful and fantastic. The adult beverages plentiful, diverse, and delightful. The activities both languorous and hilarious — from Cards Against Humanity to Dirty Catch Phrase to Amy’s Special Trivia to beach walks to a few hours out at karaoke… It was like childhood summer vacation, but with all the power of the adult world.

I wish I could turn 30 every year!   ♣

The First Epic Patterson Christmas


Some lapse of sanity caused me to purchase twenty five pounds of satsuma mandarins from a weekly food buying program in Arizona. At a pound a day, they’d last a month.

Re-rooting & My Mom’s Cute Quirk


I don’t know how to write about the last six weeks in Arizona with my family and not sound so sugar-sweet that half of you want to puke. Since I can’t make it painless, I’ll try to make it quick.

Driveway at dusk!

Driveway at dusk!

I am so thankful for my lifestyle that has allowed me to spend so much time getting to know my parents’ real, day-to-day lives. They moved to Tucson seven years ago after more than 20 years in the house where I grew up. During my first visit to their new home, seeing the same furniture and decor on foreign walls was just as bizarre as the unfamiliar desert landscape surrounding the house. My parents sort of went from being a part of a structure and a place that comprised “my roots” to a middle-aged couple that I’ve known for my whole life who were off on some new life adventure that had little to do with me.

Record-Breaking Culture Shock


The would-be-driver, making sure the “poisonous berries” get appropriate recognition on our river hike.

It’s not that I thought my six year old nephew was going to drive us home from his Wyoming school. So why did I try to jump in the passenger seat?

Potty Training Your Newborn


“Tasty beef-ham” is the star ingredient in a sandwich offered by GermanWings. “Longdrinks” are also available for a few euros — a cocktail to we English-speaking layfolk. I earned this knowledge because my good friend Laurel, from university days, bought me a seat on said airline to assist her in a week of single-parenthood.

The adorable Finya, decked out in a cute, handmade dress. I’m always thrilled to be present for milestones… learning to suck her thumb!

Her newborn daughter Finya is absolutely stunning. Beautiful, adorable, cute little lips and eyes and ears and nose and toes… and she is somewhat toilet-trained. Dead serious.